


Such Complicated Human Emotions

by BackattheBein



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Comfort, Multi, and Logan does it a lot, and comforting each other, and eventually those emotions become too much too much too much, because he's Thomas's logic, bottling up your emotions is bad, boys cuddling, but it's not healthy, he can't allow himself to feel, he does it because he cares about Thomas, not exactly a panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 09:33:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11941305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BackattheBein/pseuds/BackattheBein
Summary: After a particularly stressful day, Logan finds that bottling up your emotions is indeed bad, and to make himself feel better, he seeks out the comfort of everyone's favorite local supplier of dad jokes, and quite possibly ends up getting more than he bargained for ...





	Such Complicated Human Emotions

Logan was currently pacing his room, back and forth from his bed to his desk, exactly ten steps both ways, counting each one in his head. _One, two, three, four …_

It had been a particularly frustrating day. All his carefully laid plans for Thomas had simply fallen apart, either left unexecuted or unable to have been completed, let alone started. They hadn’t gone to the store for groceries, the laundry was sat in the same ever-growing pile in Thomas’s bedroom, and on top of everything else, the script for their next video had been accidentally deleted ( _stupid Roman doesn’t know how to press the save button_ , he thought, exasperated),

Logan's feelings - although he'd never admit to having them- had gotten progressively harder to ignore with every failed task or unachieved goal. Normally he could ignore them just fine, but today was different. His irritation just kept building. There was something coiled in his gut that was heavy and unpleasant. His brain was running in overdrive, making and remaking lists of mistakes and unfinished tasks and goals for the future and concerns about his present and – 

 _Stop. Breathe,_ he thought, drawing in a shaky breath.

_You are stressing yourself out, Logan._

To calm himself and reign in those human emotions, he began working on a new puzzle. It was a picture of LA from Thomas's most recent trip. It was 500 pieces: easy enough to solve, but large enough that it would require some mental finesse.

Which apparently Logan totally lacked today. Sitting at his desk, he haphazardly fit about ten pieces together before losing focus again and needing to step away – just to clear his head. 

Now, pacing, all he could do was reflect on everything that had went wrong that day. Everything Thomas (and by extension Logan) had failed to do, all the important tasks ignored in favor of watching TV.

 _It's okay. We don't always have to be productive,_ he thought, _and we got plenty of important stuff done yesterday, so what's one day off? If it's for our mental health then that's a good thing, right?_

Logan' own attempts at reassurance, while they should have been effective and had proved so in the past, did nothing to stop his increasingly short breaths. _Wait, am I … panicking?_

Quickly, he took stock of the physical sensations plaguing his body. Among them, he could feel his heart beating fiercely against his rib cage, pounding at a steady, too-fast and unnatural rhythm. It was hard to him to focus on anything other than his short panting breaths and his spiraling thoughts of guilt and confusion and unease and panic.

It was not often that Logan's emotions got the best of him, therefore he was at a bit of a loss as to what to do, to what he needed right then. 

 _Try to breathe, do the pattern thing, 4, 7,8._ No matter how hard he tried to breathe deeply and force himself to relax he could not. If anything, this only increased his panic and the nerves wrecking havoc in his stomach.

Suddenly, it occurred to him that humans often best expressed their emotions in relation to other humans, through conversation and contact.

Logan closed his eyes and took another shallow breath. Focusing, he reached out for the vaguely defined strings that mentally connected him to the other Sides.

He sensed Roman deep within his own realm of imagination, probably on some heroic quest. It was quite a relief, actually, to know that Roman was preoccupied. He was Logan's last choice to talk to about what Logan grudgingly acknowledged were feelings.

Next, he sensed Virgil - _shocker_ \- in his own room ( _wow, I can be snarky too when I'm ... emotionally compromised_ ). While Logan normally preferred to talk to Verge about such intangible things as feelings, something about that scenario didn't sit well with him, possibly due to the general negativity of Virgil's typical emotional range. Going to Anxiety didn't feel right in his gut, an instinct he rarely relied on.

Finally, he sensed Patton in the kitchen, probably making (sugary) food of some kind. Logan felt something click in his mind.

 _Of course_ , he thought. _Pat is the heart, and what I'm fee – uh, experiencing, usually comes from the heart._

It was something he ardently refused to acknowledge, that he too was flesh and blood and could feel just as intensely as the others. He claimed to not have a heart; in order to create and execute optimal plans, to be the logical side, to provide the explanatory exposition, and to be there when Thomas needed him, he didn't need one.

While most of the time Logan could maintain this ideal and believe in it too, there were moments like these, when his heart beat against his rib cage in a feeble attempt to break free, when the things he kept bottled up threatened to explode out of him, his cup overflowing with a river of something he could no longer hold back, that convinced him otherwise. 

_God, I thought Roman was the fanciful one._

He sensed Patton still in the kitchen, but Logan didn't realize he was ambling that way until he accidentally stubbed his toe on his doorway. _Well, just add it to the list of shitty things that happened today._

Moving down the hallway, the noises of baking grew steadily louder. Logan felt knots growing again in his stomach - _what I am experiencing are nervousness, fear, and confusion,_ he muttered quietly to himself, hoping analyzing what he was feeling would make him feel better (it didn’t).

It was an extremely unpleasant feeling. As he walked through the living room and approached the kitchen, the knots only became tighter, and Logan felt a wave of nausea pass through him.

"Hey, Teach! Wanna help me with these cookies?" Patton called out, able to sense which Side was near despite still facing the oven.

Suddenly Logan’s stomach dropped. The apprehension of moments ago was replaced with a peculiar feeling of emptiness. _Oh. Oh no._

Something raw and sticky gripped at his throat and he felt it form a heavy lump where his Adam’s apple should have been. Breathing suddenly became even more difficult as his throat closed up with emotions threatening to spill over. _Strange. I’ve never felt this before._

There was something else pressing down on his chest, threatening to crush his ribs into his pounding heart. It felt like being underwater, where breathing was near impossible, where air had to be forced into one's body. 

He gasped, and this time the shakiness of his own breath shocked him.

 _Lungs are used for breathing,_ he thought, desperately seeking refuge in the cold, emotionless nature of facts _. Air enters through the esophagus and into the lungs and bloodstream, where oxygen is processed and CO2 is created and released as a human exhales._

Oddly, breathing out was just as hard as breathing in. A muffled sob escaped his lips against his will - _damn these icky, complicated human emo_ —

"Logan? Is everything oaky?"

Logan was vaguely aware of Patton, now facing him, of the jovial light leaving Patton's eyes and his face falling as he turned towards Logan. Instead of light, now concern shown out of them as Patton quickly tried to figure out what was going on. 

Realizing he hadn't spoken a word since entering the kitchen, Logan tried to swallow the lump blocking his airways, to no avail. He then tried to clear his throat, scrunching his eyes closed. He felt them burn and sting with water. _No,_ he thought franticly. His cheeks suddenly felt hot, and as he clenched his fists they felt clammy. Before he knew it hot wet tears were streaming down his cheeks. 

“Oh, Logan, come here. Can I hug you?”

Patton walked slowly over to Logan, not wanting to startle him.

Logan rapidly nodded his head, and soon felt himself be wrapped in warmth by strong, comforting arms. It briefly occurred to him that this was odd behavior for him. Normally, Logan told himself he did not need nor particularly crave human contact, but the thought passed quickly as he relaxed into the feeling of safety in Patton’s arms.

“It’s okay, Lo, I’ve got you,” Patton crooned. “Just breathe. Relax. I’m here.” Pat rested his chin on Logan’s head, holding him tight to his chest.

Logan nuzzled his head into the crook of Patton’s neck, his tears falling heavily onto Patton’s shirt. He felt a hand cradling the back of his head and playing with his hair.

 ** _He’s right_** , said a sing-song voice in Logan’s head. **_Calm down, stupid. Stop crying so much! You’re the logical side, you aren’t supposed to feel. You aren’t supposed to cry. Patton thinks so too and he’s just doing this so you’ll stop and go back to your normal robotic unfeeling self._**

Patton could sense the heavy burden, the emotional baggage that Logan was carrying.

“Slow your breathing down, Logan. Everything’s going to be okay.”

It wasn’t exactly what Logan needed to hear, but it was a step in the right direction. After a few minutes his breathing became slower and his sobbing turned to hiccupping.

Patton would’ve thought it was cute, holding Logan like his, except he hated seeing him cry. Logan so rarely let himself experience emotions, it was a shame that this one time he did they were so overwhelmingly negative.

“There, that’s it,” said Patton comfortingly, rubbing his hands soothingly up and down Logan’s back. “Let it all out, okay?”

Logan hiccupped again, although it could have been a sob, causing a few fresh tears to fall, joining the rather large stain on the front of Patton’s shirt.

Before Patton knew it, Logan was almost completely quiet in his arms. And yet, it was unnerving; it didn’t feel right.

“Logan?” Patton wasn’t sure what to say, wasn’t sure if Logan wanted to talk, but he felt like the weight on Logan’s chest was far from lifted, no matter how much the crying had helped.

Instead of an answer, Logan half-heartedly mumbled into Patton’s chest, almost completely unintelligible.

“Hey, what’s going on, honey?” Patton felt that he was walking on eggshells, not wanting to set Logan off again, but still very concerned about him in a way that compelled him to help.

Logan didn’t answer this time. Instead he focused on the feeling of being held in Patton’s comforting arms. _Just breathe, focus, put everything back in order, settle your mind._ He repeated in his mind it like a mantra. _Breathe, focus, settle down._

The tsunami of emotions had calmed somewhat into a flash flood following the waterworks, and he was confident in his mental facilities to keep back the waves, to stop his emotions from overcoming him again anytime soon.

“Can you look at me, Lo?”

Logan grumbled, suddenly anxious about meeting the other Side’s eyes. His glasses sat askance on his nose, which was running profusely, and his eyes were surely red-rimmed and glassy.

“Come on,” said Patton, gently guiding Logan’s head up with his hand, making sure not to force him. “There you are.” Patton smiled as warmly as he could, his heart aching at the sight before him. “How are you feeling?”

 _I’m Logic, I’m not supposed to feel anything._ Logan couldn’t help as more tears fell, entirely unbidden and totally against his will.

Patton brushed some of them away with the pad of his thumb.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay. Just breathe, sweetie.”

Logan released a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He took in a huge gulp of air, and somehow, he felt just a little bit lighter than he had all day long.

Patton tenderly cupped Logan’s face, staring lovingly into a brilliant pair of eyes that, despite Logan’s best efforts, revealed just how much he was still hurting.

Patton couldn’t help himself as he leaned forward to place a tender kiss against Logan’s forehead. Bold, considering Logan didn’t usually like that kind of contact, but they were currently hugging, are Patton was careful to not cross any lines.

He gently rested their foreheads together and spoke softly to the other Side.

“It okay, Logan. You aren’t broken for feeling emotions. It’s what makes you human.”

At this point, Logan felt so raw and torn open that he couldn’t even protest what his mind normally so vehemently rejected.

Patton had a feeling Logan didn’t believe what he’d said, but he wasn’t quite sure how to –

“Greetings, friends,” said a disembodied voice that was rapidly approaching the kitchen. “I have finally returned from ridding that poor village of the feared Dragon-witch! It was a doosey of a battle, I must say. I’ve built up quite an appetite, so I thought – ”

Suddenly, Prince stopped cold once his eyes finally registered the scene before him: Patton, who looked like he was about to cry, was hugging a distraught Logan.

Something – well, several things – were very clearly wrong about this situation, but Roman wasn’t too keen on asking what exactly those things were at the moment. So, instead, he did what any honorable prince would do.

“Patton,” he said carefully, “something has obviously upset you both. What can I do to help? Is there an enemy I need to vanquish?” he asked, standing in his best warrior pose.

Patton laughed, but it wasn’t full-bodied, light-spirited, and bubbly like normal. He resumed cradling Logan’s head and playing with his hair as he contemplated Roman’s words.

“No, Roman, no dragon-witches here. Just good old-fashioned inner demons, is all.”

Logan whimpered, barely audible as his face was now pressed against Patton’s chest.

Roman hummed. “I see.” He cautiously approached Logan and reached out, gently placing his hand on Logan’s shoulder and squeezing lightly. Logan seemed to like it, relaxing somewhat into the touch, so Roman attempted to tenderly massage his shoulders.

A metaphorical light bulb appeared over Roman’s head – he had an idea of what might make Logan feel better. At least, it never failed to make him feel better.

“Logan, dearheart, you are, um, enjoying this physical contact, no?”

Roman heard a soft mumble of agreement from the logical side. Patton, he could tell, seemed the slightest bit confused.

“How would you feel about more?” Roman’s eyes connected with Patton’s, who he could see was starting to catch his drift. “Like possibly, a cuddle session?”

Patton almost squealed with delight, but did his best to hold it back, eagerly to hear Logan’s response.

Logan tensed up as soon as Prince uttered the suggestion, but quickly relaxed. Despite any other crazy emotions still running through his mind, he felt exhausted from crying. The image of lying in bed, wrapped in Patton’s warmth, was certainly alluring in a way it had never been before.

“Can it be with all of us?” Patton asked hopefully, no longer able to stifle his excitement. “We haven’t had a good family snuggle in a while. How does that sound, Teach?”

It’s true that of all the Sides, Logan was the least interested in physical contact. Even though they were all in a very happy relationship, they all understood that Logan didn’t exactly need it to feel happy, unlike more emotional Sides like Patton. He didn’t seek it out, and it was even rarer for him to desire it – to be snuggled – by more than one Side at a time.

But today, he found that instead of recoiling from the suggestion he instinctively knew that it would make him feel better somehow, that he indeed needed it. He lifted his head ever so slightly off Patton’s chest to nod in the affirmative.

Patton’s eyes lit up at his agreement, so much so they were practically glowing. Before he knew it, Patton had looped an arm around Logan’s shoulders and was leading him towards the bedrooms within the mind palace. Pat only had one more idea to propose.

“Hey Logan, how ‘bout we sleep in Roman’s room instead? It might be a nice break from yours, and it’s huge, and there’re so many fluffy pillows and blankets. If that’s okay with you?” Patton sort of trailed off towards the end, seeing that Logan was clearly fine with this idea too. Next, he turned his attention to the fanciful side.

“Ro, honey, could you go get Virgil?” Patton asked, trying to imply with his tone that Virgil would probably say no in any other situation, but that he was needed nonetheless. Roman silently nodded and turned in the direction of Anxiety’s room.

 Patton and Logan soon made it to Roman’s room, which had easily the largest and softest bed of any of the Sides, with a truly astonishing amount of pillows and blankets. Patton led Logan to one side of the bed and helped him as he collapsed onto it.

Patton gently nudged him until he’d moved closer to the middle of the bed, carefully maneuvering the sheets so that Logan was snuggled up underneath at least three blankets.

Just as he finished tucking Logan in, the remaining two Sides entered the room.

Virgil seemed to be half-asleep; they must have caught him around his afternoon naptime. Also, apparently he had not wanted to get up, since Prince was delicately carrying him.

Roman walked to the other side of the bed, carefully so as not to jostle Virgil into consciousness, and plopped him down on the other side of Logan. Virgil immediately reached out to try and grab as many blankets as possible, but first his hand connected with something solid: the logical Side. No sooner did he realize he was in bed with Logan than he rolled over and wrapped Logan in an intense hug, practically gluing them together with the tightness of his grip.

A dastardly part of Logan’s brain tried to remind him, again, that as the unfeeling, robotic, analytical Side he should not feel emotions nor should he ever require human touch.

However, that voice was rapidly dying out as he began to feel the warmth from being snuggled by the others. Patton had latched onto one side of him, Virgil on the other, and Roman somehow managed to hold both Verge and Logan at the same time, with all of them underneath a mountain of blankets and supported by soft, fluffy pillows.

Logan felt warmer than he had in a long time, and for once, he knew it was more than just the blankets making him feel that way.

For the first time that day, his mind finally emptied and was quiet, his body relaxed and all tension fled it. As he drifted off to sleep, he let himself get swept away by the loving caresses of his boyfriends.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! Thank you so much for reading my fic! This is my first work within the Thomas Sanders fandom. I have been a huge fan of his since I started watching his YouTube channel back in the spring, and I'm just head over heels for the Sides! Patton is, of course, my fav, but I felt that for my first work, the logical side needed a little love. 
> 
> Any comments, feedback, criticisms, reviews, summaries, predictions, carrier pigeon messages, tarot card readings, and the like are welcome. Kudos are always appreciated <3
> 
> Thanks again for reading :D Can't wait for the next Sides vid!


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